As I get driven into my field of medicine I discover how obsessed I am with it. The idea to work, prosper in my field sometimes becomes what I live for. This strong fixation on my dream without realizing is draining especially when it is taking longer time to show that "it is happening".
To keep up the stamina and overall zeal to achieve a humongous goal requires effort because during this journey the time passed would never come back. We all start a journey because I want the end product. "I want to be a doctor", "I want to be an actor", "I want to be a billionaire or a -naire bigger than even that". It is so dang easy to view that end product of our goal when we have not gone through the journey. Then it starts. The work we have to put in, the sleepless nights, the impossible to memorize curriculum, the unending exam, self doubts, letting go of self-care. Multiple rejections. Feeling lost, questioning if I really want this, self-doubt, downright miserable feeling sad and completely burnt out. Yes, all this is real and we all go through this when we are working for something we really want in life. Through the process we spend the our prime teens and twenties and by the time we see the fruit bearing of our hardwork we are already in 30s. So many of us are still grinding right now and either feel victorious or just lost.
Absorbed into this journey we may even forget how much love we had for this goal. We forget how passionate we were for this to happen and maybe when it finally does happen we are not even happy. We may forget how much we wanted it. It becomes something we may even advise against because that journey has been so darn difficult. I feel the main mistake I make when i feel negative towards my goal is I forget to remember.
I forget to remember the little achievement I had during these long years. Either it was to ace an exam, a stranger praising on how I work, someone confided into me because they connected to me more than anyone else, my small observations saved lives. I held so many mothers when they gave birth, I comforted so many people when they were anxious. There would be so many achievements embedded into these long years I spent into achieving my main goal. These moments gave us happiness and assurance of why I started my journey. This wait to see myself prosper in my field is still going on and tomorrow I may be more doubtful or more confident. That is when I will re-read my own words here to remind myself. To remember the little moments of breakthroughs I got. From still being alive and thriving when I thought I was not going to make it to taking on a bigger challenge to achieve my goals in a bigger and better way.
I took on this path because I thought it is something that will make me successful and success is equivalent to happiness. Well, don't we all think that. Yet, what is the point of it all if we spend the 10-20 years of our lives just sad and tired. So stop waiting to be happy once it is all done. Stop waiting for that one goal to be accomplished and then "allow" yourself to be happy and content. We have to, we must find our happiness along the way. This long, hardworking years has to be celebrated and be spent with laughter and acknowledgement of our small achievements.
Yes, we all are still waiting for our goals to be finally become our reality.
During this time of wait. We may question, is it still worth it? Truth be told, all we can do is work hard+smart and wait. To have faith over fear because when I do look back at this journey I dont want to remember how scared I was or how unhappy I was. I want to remember my breakthroughs when felt defeated, I want to remember my confidence and how strong I have been through it all. We do not even know if we will live to see the next day or week or month then why wait to rejoice now?
