When it is a second nature kind of thing to get inspired by others success stories is there someone else out there who gets anxious as well. Its not jealously. It is rather an unsettling feeling of the entire path I have to take to get to that end point. Am I even good enough to reach that?
It may seem such an irrational "fear" because everyone has different journeys, different routes and different opportunities yet the feeling sometimes lingers and becomes distracting. I have my husband tell me to not worry about the things that hasn't even happened yet and to basically cross the bridge when I come to it but then my mind jumps in wondering----is my bridge even there????
Sometimes I can just think myself into crushing self doubt. Just then I realize that I am NOT utilizing my time well and have been spending way too much time on either Facebook or Instagram. Watching others stories and lives on my screen. Secretly wishing I also had some of the "good news" they were sharing as well.
My life isn't even sad. Maybe I am greedy to everytime want something more and something else. Instead of being inspired by others happy days and success to being kind of discontent is what has become most peoples second nature--myself included. In all this I keep forgetting that every person sharing their success has definitely had a day where they just had fallen on their knees, maybe metaphorically and just broken down in sorrow. Well, people don't share that obviously because no one wants anyone to see them at their worst. Everyone wants to share the good things only but that doesn't mean bad things didn't happen.
Anyways, apart from just the good old friend called Low self esteem I think it's just an idea of not actually making a difference around you while you're working towards something that may have an added impact on not feeling good enough. Its most likely because the reward of any good work is a good review. Like treating a patient or teaching a student. Basically imparting and utilizing what we know in real life. Well we can't basically show our full caliber if we aren't in the niche we are suppose to be and to get to that niche we have this huge ass road to take and then again we are back to square one. Scrolling through the phone and seeing someone who has reached that last phase and you're there in middle of preparing for the first step. Someones long journey coming to an end (i don't mean death) while you're a beginner. When would I make a real difference?
Well no frigging idea.
Can I stop freaking out about the whole journey and just focus on the good stuff like I don't lack a part of my body or i have chronic pain and even worse that I don't have to go through what so many people do go through like hunger, abuse and wars.. Yes, things that goes in a head are such a first world problem. Its probably not even a real problem.
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