I can't even remember the last time I was single. Right since high school i had been in love --online-- (not porn but with my boyfriend i found on facebook) then we finally met after 5 years then met again every year until we got married this year right amidst Covid in the city hall.
I have always heard that partners are complimentary to each other. As much as I want to convince myself that it is an equal partnership I keep leaning towards the idea that its more like a dominant submissive type of relationship that's more common. While one of them is self sufficient, the other is maybe a hint more needy. Both are great as individual people but when brought together there is ONE alpha. Which one is it? Who even decides which one it is?
And its not always the man who's the alpha by the way.
It brings about a great relationship overall but then how to avoid the feeling of "less". It can be a tricky one because if we let feelings drive our entire life it WILL be a wreck. At some point sensibility and practicality must be added. In such a relationship, the submission of the "weak link" can cause troubles just as much as the boldness of the stronger one. We are humans and we have limits. Despite all the love we both can accumulate there will be frustrating time. Screaming, yelling and saying mean things. Yes, loving each other unconditionally IS hard.
At the end of the day, love isn't enough. There are huge scoops of multiple things needed to make and keep a relationship alive. You need to sync together without even trying, splatters of laughter and inside jokes. There's need for respect. Big one--need for space. As much as us weak link love to keep clinging onto our partners, he or she needs their space. That is not bad. That is how they are and they have been for years. Self sufficient, remember? Maybe they wouldn't want to hurt us by saying the words (well sometimes they don't even hold back) but yes, we need to start listening to the silence.
It is a work in progress. It is love but as much as I hate to say it, it is also WORK. Nothing comes easy in this world anymore, mi amore. We gotta even work at our relationships. Stop waiting for everything that happens on your screens to happen in real life as well. I am saying it again, PEOPLE DON'T SHARE BAD THINGS HAPPENING IN THEIR LIFE ON SOCIAL MEDIA which doesn't mean BAD THINGS DONT HAPPEN.
Guess what!!??!! Shit happens with EVERYONE and we gotta deal with it.
Anyways coming to the submissive partner. It ain't our partners fault we feel unheard of sometimes. Honestly, it is somewhat us as well(yes, a toxic partner is not an exception-- there is a huge difference between toxic and strong partner).
I feel the word "toxic" and "red flag" gets thrown around so easily nowadays that even the slightest thing about someone else would make us feel they're toxic. This is where deep understanding of each other comes in. Communication comes in. Accountability comes in. Acceptance comes in. Just one person cannot make a relationship work. You need each other. Doesn't matter if you have to "have the talk" more than 10 times.
As a person with a challenged ability to see myself as a strong person, I come off as the weaker one. I cry easily, I feel bad easily. I feel better even faster. These are qualities of me. My husband gives me all the love he has most of the time but then again he needs his space too. This is where my maturity comes in. I need to recognize his needs just as he recognizes mine.
Then there are times, I just get sick of being told what to do all the time. It makes me think I cannot do a single damn thing without him correcting me. Thats frustrating as well! Well, he is trying to help and makes sure I don't make mistakes but sometimes when he recognizes that and let me do my thing-- well I made mistakes and got pissed at him for not giving me a heads up. Well, well, well... didn't I say--IT IS WORK!!
At the end of the day, as the night fall comes in. The chill in the air. I don't want any anger to linger. Even if it is work, there still are great vacation days where we are just in sync. After a long, tiring day I want to sleep in our bed, peacefully together without any doubt to be somewhere else. Because guess what? When I see him, I just know he is where I belong. Do you feel belonged?
No comments:
Post a Comment